You know…as i sit here taking hella responsibility for my life, I feel like it means nothing if I don’t share how I feel. I mean…there might be one or two…maybe 3 people out there who feel like a total failure! I CANT be the only one. DISCLAIMER: I made decisions and am very much accountable for my mistakes: Most of you get it…the rest of you can F-Off! Yeah….I said it. AND all my 2 Broke Girls Pics were brought to you by a generic Google search, I dont own any of there photos…and neither did they! BOOM! Yes…I know (Really deep within) that everything happens for a reason. I know that the Self-help gurus tell us to “Stay Positive!!!” and “Be the change you need in your life!”. AND I know that this blog post is basically a pity party and it might be a table for one. I TOTALLY understand of you want to exit stage right. (Wait…at least go and read one of my other fashion post…don’s bail out on me all together…damn). So at this point, your probably like STEPHANIE!!?? WTH is wrong with you? Ok…ok! Well Imma make you a quick list so I don’t waist any on your time! 1) I am broke. I have spent soooooo much that I have miserably failed financially. If you saw my credit report and my budget, you would probably just me harshly. 2) Im STILL Single after over a year out of my relationship (Keep reading and you will probably know why…)3) Im still Fat. (Its ok to be fat…Its NOT okay to not be happy in your body. YES I can work with what I have…but I don’t want to!)4) I have to work EXTRA hard to maintain my home space. Its not natural for things to be Pintrest and Instagram ready as all times. Sometimes my house is a wreck! (Not Nasty as in dirty… Just Messy and sometimes un-organized)5) I am sooooo unhappy with my job. (I’m off this weekend and have anxiety about going in Monday)6) I have SEVERAL projects that I am behind on. I was making an honest attempt to schedule and plan for my Collabs BUT life and ME got in the freekin way! I’m obsessing about 1-5 which is getting in the way of productivity!) 7) I feel like I’m looking old…and feeling that way as well.8) I have NO SOCIAL LIFE!! Its Work Home Work Home WORK HOME And Work at Home!10) I often feel very alone. Because I don’t let my feelings out a lot, they stack up and I sometimes feel like no one really gets how I feel. 11) Im questioning my pescatarian Lifestyle…it could just be stress…but I would love anything more in life then a 20 Pc Hot with Lemon pepper sprinkles and Spinach Chicken Alfredo Pizza form Papa Johns! 12) I’m on the verge on just saying F$&K IT!! I’m just over it. So….I would like to make you all happy (Maybe I should have added a #13…Making everyone else happy to keep the peace….hummmm) by saying I am going to take all these frustrations and turn them into motivation to make thing better!!! (((INSERT big old cheezy face equipped with open eyes and fake smile….and 2 thumbs up!))). But honestly…im not there yet. (AND my Papa Johns Cart is still in tact…with my Discover card Payment info filled in…all I need to do is press “Submit Order”) I sent a chat to my lovely neice…she was loss or words. But when someone as I feels like this, theres nothing really to say, Sometimes we dont need a pep talk. We don’t want “Tough Love”. We just need to be. Unfortunatly, my mind spinns like this often…sometimes more rapidly then others. Sometimes I cry so much I cant catch my breath. Sometimes I have to walk into work with my head down because my eyes are swolen and red, only to have to turn on “Joyful Manager Stephanie”. Its tiring. Its daunting, Its my life.
Now that I have laid it all out here…I hope that it dosent turn into a bash me session. I HOPE someone reads this and knows that the feelings they have ARE VALID. They are REAL. They are ACCEPTABLE. The only lesson I want to give you is to keep pushing through it. Its how you react to this clusterfuck of feelings. We can have them….but we cant bathe in them for long. Will Life still trow you and I curve balls??? Absofreekenlutly! But I have to keep practicing how to keep moving forward! Thats the key…Keep practicing on being better then 5 mins ago. Keep practicing on how to learn from each mistake and know mistakes that keep repeating are habbits! Bad Habbits, unlike promises, are meant to be broken. Practice makes perfect (Well…not perfect…but closer to bad bitch status) In case no one has told you today,I LOVE YOU!!! TTYS Luxe Babes! xoxo ~Stephanie